Where was God when my unborn baby died?
“You say there’s a God, so where was he when my unborn child died?”
This was the heartfelt question I was asked in a recent Q & A session. Sarah had been sharing her faith with a friend, only for her friend to then suffer a miscarriage. Suddenly all of her talk about a loving God rang hollow with her friend. Why had she been allowed to suffer in such a devastating way? Sarah wanted to know how to respond to her friend’s deep anguish.
I began by encouraging Sarah to support her friend at this time. I shared how my wife and I had experienced three miscarriages on our way to having our first child. What we valued as much as answers was the presence of Christians standing beside us, loving us and praying with us.
Next, I gently suggested that the Christian faith makes far better sense of our anger and frustration when pain and suffering strike. According to atheism, a failed pregnancy is just nature shrugging its shoulders and disposing of some unwanted molecules. But we don’t respond like that. Instead we grieve, we rage, and we protest “that’s not right!”. And I believe we do that because deep down, we instinctively know that the Christian story is true. Death is not the way things should be.
Finally, I suggested some ways Sarah could draw her friend into the biblical story. We know from the Bible that death is not the last word, that God has done something about the problem of pain, that God the Father has experienced the death of a child in Jesus and the cross. And because of Jesus, whilst we grieve, we do not grieve without hope, nor do we walk through the shadow of the valley of death without God’s presence. I also recommended a book, Sheridan Voysey’s Resurrection Year, that deals honestly, powerfully, and beautifully with this issue.
Main menu
- Where was God when my unborn child died?
- Is Christianity credible in a suffering world?
- Where is God in the midst of suffering?
- Terminal illness: hope in the face of death
- What about natural disasters?
- Recommended resources
- Bible verses on suffering
- What should I do if I am struggling?
- SPECIAL OFFER!
Where is God in the midst of suffering?
Terminal illness – Natural disasters – When God feels distant
Terminal illness: Jeremy Marshall on living with the big ‘C’.
Natural disasters: Sharon Dirckx discusses our ‘broken planet’.
When God feels distant: Steve on when feel alone.
Is Christianity credible in a suffering world?
“I have never forgotten James. When he was a toddler, James had fallen down several flights of stairs in an Edinburgh tenement, and as a result he suffered irreparable brain damage…“
David Randall, former chair of Solas, takes an in-depth look at suffering, in the first ever Solas Paper (published back in 2013).
Recommended resources
Why? Looking at God, Evil and Suffering by Sharon Dirckx
A combination of theological reflections and hard-hitting real-life accounts of how God has worked through suffering
Walking with God through Pain and Suffering by Tim Keller
Wisdom gleaned from pastoring people through the many trials and tribulations of life
Resurrection Year by Sheridan Voysey
Exploring how Christians can try to move on from pain and disappointment
Where is God in all the suffering? by Amy Orr-Ewing
A sweep of the many different types of suffering we face and how Christians can respond to it
The Problem of Pain and A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis
Contrasting perspectives of suffering (one more theoretical and the other informed by personal grief)
Beyond the Big C: Hope in the Face of Death by Jeremy Marshall
A short Christian reflection on the author’s protracted battle with cancer
Unspeakable: Facing up to Evil in an Age of Genocide by Os Guinness
An examination of how we make sense of evil and the damage it causes
Where is God when it hurts? by Philip Yancey
A response to those who feel that life doesn’t make sense because of physical, emotional or spiritual pain
Lament for a Son by Nicholas Wolterstorff
Christian reflections on an unwanted journey of grief caused by a family tragedy
Bible verses
There are many parts of scripture that we can turn to help us when we are going through pain and suffering. The Psalms have been a source of comfort for people throughout the ages with the ‘Lord is my shepherd’ being a particular favourite, while the book of Job is often explored when thinking about why bad things happen. There are lots of other verses that remind us of God’s love or comforting power, but one of the most powerful is God’s ultimate promise that there will be a time when He will put an end to all suffering:
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. (Revelation 21: 1-7)
Other resources: Tim Keller, John Lennox and Warren Furman
Tim Keller looks at the human reaction to suffering and how the Bible informs us of a different perspective, as we walk with God through pain and trials.
On the anniversary of 9/11 John Lennox addresses students in New York about how we can begin to make sense of suffering from a Christian perspective.
A light-hearted testimony from Warren Furman (Ace from Gladiators) on rejecting God after a bereavement, and then finding fame, fortune and faith.
What should I do if I am struggling?
If you are struggling to cope with something right now, it is really important to reach out to someone for help: it could be a friend, family member, your church, or you can speak to organisations like the Samaritans anonymously. We also hope that these resources are helpful for you.
